- London/Sudbury, Ontario, Canada
- I'm a parent of two amazing earth bound children (a boy and a girl) and two little angels in heaven. I am owned by cats, dogs, a rabbit, and a tortoise. I am LGBTI friendly. I can be selfish at times.. impatient.. vindictive.. motivated.. intelligent.. manipulative.. stubborn.. loving.. caring.. flirtatious.. I care about more about my children then about anyone else.. it will always be that way.. I cannot carry anymore children as I had a hysterectomy due to 'cancer' in 2003. My past isn't the best, but it has shaped me into who I am. You will probably end up asking a question where the answer lies in my past and you may not like the answer you get.. just remember it's my PAST, not my present or my future.
19 December 2015
18 December 2015
Many months ago, actually well over a year ago, I posted about being a Trans gendered person as that was what I thought the "label" for who I am was.
During almost two and a half years that I have been with my husband, we have discussed many things that my previous boyfriends or husbands would never talk with me about. Most of them try to live in a black or white world and refuse to accept that there are many shades in between.
I remember the first time I tried to tell one of my ex husbands what I felt and wanted to ask for their support and help to discover who I really am. That was met by anger and violence that ended with them slamming me up against a wall and yelling at me that I was a useless high school drop out wife, but I had better think long and hard before I ruined their life by making my thoughts public.
Ruined THEIR life? I thought this was about me, and MY feelings. At the time I accepted I was wrong and they were right and never brought it up with them again.
After months of speaking to my husband and some others in my family and few very close friends who are like family,(who range from heterosexual to bisexual, to homosexual, and cisgendered to transgendered) I finally felt acceptance of who I am. Even my children accept that I don't fit into heterosexual or homosexual but am more pansexual and I am more gender fluid or two spirited than simply male or female.
I grew up being taught by a less accepting society that there were only two sexualities, you are 'straight' or you are 'gay/lesbian'. You are either male or female.
Now that society is more accepting and open, I've learned that there are so many more in between and so many none of the above.
That being said, IF I HAD to label myself, I would consider myself as a pansexual, two spirited gender fluid person who legally identifies as female on official documents, only because I cannot use FM or X.
Since cutting off my long locks of very female type hair and realising that, when wearing the right type of clothing, I can pass as a male, or as a female, and that it is okay to be in love with my very male husband, yet still be attracted to both males and females as well as to people who are both or neither.
I've learned to love me as I am, learned that I will never have to change who I am to fit into someone else's world to experience what it is like to be truly loved for who I am, and I've learned that my past is just years or experience learning who I am and what makes me happy.
I've also learned that those who were a part of my past can either accept how I have grow and changed for no one but myself, or they can stay in my past and will not get to share in my future.
I am happy, I am as healthy as my illnesses and disabilities allow me to be, and I am accepted by those that matter the most to me.